I’m a jealous person. Not in the malicious and cruel way that can cost people relationships, instead my envy builds slowly and steadily turning my whole being green like a slothful Hulk.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a monster and more often than not I feel positive emotions towards my peers: happiness, pride, joy, awe. But every so often I suffer from an overwhelming and intense bout of envy that renders me miserable.
I want everything I do not have and feel achingly dissatisfied with my wardrobe, my body, my job, my life. These periods can be disastrous for my self-confidence and my credit card. The thing is this negative emotion can often be the catalyst for something good.
Today I was reading this week’s The Dolly Mail by Dolly Alderton, an email newsletter which resonates so strongly with me I sometimes feel as though Dolly and I are intrinsically linked in someway, and I was overcome with jealousy. Jealous of Dolly’s perfect prose and jealous of the fact that her writing is also her career.
However, rather than letting myself be consumed by it, I was inspired. Inspired to spend my lunch break typing furiously rather than reading the dirty Daily Mail’s sidebar of shame. Sometimes it takes somebody else’s success to give you the chutzpah to just fucking do you.
The thing is the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, life is what you make it. Envy is a deadly sin, but sometimes it’s just what you need.